Wedding Etiquette: The Basics

People these days are thinking, does WEDDING ETIQUETTE still exist in our age wherein every rule that anybody can think of could be bent? In this rule defying age, it seems that WEDDING ETIQUETTE is just a thing of the past. But is WEDDING ETIQUETTE really now just part of history? I don't think so. And maybe even you and the rest of the population don't think so, too.



Every culture has WEDDING ETIQUETTE. Even if we think those who live in far flung areas are barbaric and do not know a thing about WEDDING ETIQUETTE, they have their own sets of rules and etiquette to follow. Their WEDDING ETIQUETTE may not be as proper as we think ours is, but for them their WEDDING ETIQUETTE is the proper WEDDING ETIQUETTE.



The WEDDING ETIQUETTE that we have come to know dates back from the 1800, at the time of the Victorians. Victorians are well educated, intelligent and well mannered. They value social manners and behavior. This is the reason why lots of social and WEDDING ETIQUETTE books had been published during the Victorian era.



The social and WEDDING ETIQUETTE practices of the Victorians has been passed on to us and became the basic WEDDING ETIQUETTE of the westerners. These Victorian WEDDING ETIQUETTE has been modified or bent to suit our current culture and lifestyle.



What are the basics of WEDDING ETIQUETTE? Should we follow every rule in Emily Post's famous WEDDING ETIQUETTE book?



WEDDING ETIQUETTE BASICS



In every all aspect of the wedding there is a WEDDING ETIQUETTE that should be followed. There's a WEDDING ETIQUETTE to follow when creating an invitation, sending it out, and replying to it; in attending a wedding, guests should abide to the basic WEDDING ETIQUETTE for guests; when sending out gifts there's a WEDDING ETIQUETTE too that must be followed. <



Here are some of basic WEDDING ETIQUETTE for the wedding parties and the guests:



For the bride and groom:



- Wedding invitation must be worded either formal or informal. It depends upon the couple. If they want a formal wedding celebration, they must choose formal words. If the wedding will be celebrated with closest family and friends, an informal wording on the invitation would do.



Invitation should be sent out four to six weeks before the wedding. If your wedding is a wedding destination, you may send a Save a Date card to your guests six to eight months before the wedding. Your guest also need to prepare themselves financially and physically for your wedding destination.



- A bride can now choose any dress design and color that she wants. But if she will be wed in a church with strict rules on dress code, she should abide to the rules of her church.



- A groom may wear either a suit or black tie. He could also wear a loose dress in beige pants for a beach wedding.



- The couples should not ask for cash gifts. As for wedding registry card, they should not insert it invitation. Just mention in your invitation that you have an online wedding registry.



- The stepmother may seat at the church's first pew only if the bride (if the bride is her stepdaughter) is closer to her than her mother. However, if the bride is close to both her mother and stepmother, she should seat her mother at the first pew.



For the guests:



- Invited guests should reply to a wedding invitation immediately after receipt of the invitation card or not later than two weeks before the wedding. Couples need to be informed of the actual head count for the sit down dinner.



- Guests should be formally dressed if the invitation is worded formally even if there is no indication that the attire should be formal. Women are now allowed to wear evening dress for a formal wedding especially if their escorts are in black tie.



- Guests are not obliged to buy gifts from the registry. Invited guests who can't make it to the wedding are also not obliged to send gifts.



Gifts may be sent to the couple before or one year after the wedding. It will help the newlywed alot if the gifts will be delivered at the couples new address.

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Wedding Etiquette: Who Pays for the Wedding?

Getting married these days is very costly. For brides, before you buy from suppliers of your choice or hire the most costly services of makeup artists, wedding coordinators, coutourier, etc, talk to your husband-to-be first and discuss your budget.



Before you go bridezilla by demanding this and that for your wedding, determine who pays for your wedding and will cover the largest percentage of your wedding budget.



Below are the wedding etiquette on who pays or should pay for your wedding. This will serve as a guide for couples who would like to know the basic etiquette in who pays for what.



Traditional Wedding Etiquette - Who Pays For the Wedding?



Wedding Etiquette on who pays for the weddings has evolved for the last century. Traditionally, wedding etiquette books dictate that the bride's father should pay for the wedding. This was during the time when girls were kept by their fathers inside their house, not allowed to work and go to school, but do household chose and must have lessons from lady manners to teach them social etiquette and wedding etiquette in preparation for their life as married women.



A daughter was 'given' out by her father to a boy or a man who his father thought could feed or fend his daughter when he was gone. And since he would be giving his daughter away, he would host his daughter's wedding and pay for everything as a sign of his agreement to his daughter's marriage. This is the traditional wedding etiquette on who pays for the wedding.



-- Modern Wedding Etiquette - Who Pays For the Wedding



Today, wedding etiquette on who pays for the wedding is not as rigid as it was before. The bride and the groom can go traditional, and thus should ask the father of the bride to host the wedding and pay for the entire wedding expenses. Or if the parents of the groom have expressed their desire to be a co-host of the wedding event, they may do so, especially if the parents of the groom are wealthy and are able to cover some of the expenses.



But since most couples nowadays are both earning their own money, it is not a violation of wedding etiquette if the bride and the groom decide to pay for their own wedding. Some couples prefer to pay for the their own wedding so that they can have more control over the number of guests and who are the persons to invite and how the celebration of the wedding should be held.



Wedding etiquette on who pays for the wedding is, most of the time, being set aside to grant the wishes of the couple and immediate family members.



-- Alternative Ways of Paying - Wedding Etiquette



Because of the high cost of living these days, paying for the entire cost of the wedding may be beyond the means of the parents of the bride or even of the parents of the groom. If the bride and the groom are earning money for themselves, they may consider paying for the entire expenses fo their wedding.



However, there may be parents who would like to contribute to the wedding cost. Brides and grooms should be sensitive with this matter. Don't say no to your parents even if you think they will hand to you everything that they have. It is their joy to see you get married and their pleasure to play a big part of your wedding (that is by shelling out money for the wedding cost).



It is more reasonable if you will sit down with your parents and discuss with them the projected costs of your wedding and ask them which part of the wedding expenses would they comfortably want to fund. This way, your parents will have an idea of the exact amount that they will shell out while the two of you, bride and groom, will know how much is it that you still need to raise.



Wedding etiquette on who pays for what is not anymore big question these days. The only etiquette that is required of bride and groom is to talk out with their parents the issue of costs or who pays only if the parents have voiced desire to co-host the wedding affair.

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Wedding Etiquette: How Stepmothers Should Act

We have seen on movies and television shows, especially the soap operas, the dagger look that the biological mother and the stepmother cast at each other. And we laugh at them when they spit out their sarcastic lines, with the episode ending up in a slapping scene.



This matter is not laughable; not at all. This incident do happen in real life: biological mother or father fighting up for the first pew on the church against the stepmother or stepfather of their child or who should do the father and daughter dance.



Having a wicked stepmother for a stepmom most of the time happens only in fairy tales. In real world, stepmothers do get along with their stepdaughters and stepsons.



If you are among those brides who dearly love their stepmothers and biological mothers too but the two just can't seem to meet in the middle, don not let yourself be caught in the middle of a cat fight. There are wedding etiquette for stepmothers in case you are looking for one. Just try to know some of these wedding etiquette for stepmothers and you will be assured that you won't slight the two persons dear to your heart.



Wedding Etiquette for Stepmothers: Seating Arrangement



If your mother and stepmother have not spoken in ten years and seating them three seats apart can already spark a friction and eventually a heated argument, how should you seat the two of them without hurting anyone's feelings?



For a start, take the time to have a heart-to-heart talk to each of them during the planning stage of your wedding. Ask your mother to be in her best manner possible, and when you talk to your stepmother, include your father in the talk. Your stepmother might get offended if you talk to her alone about behaving herself on the wedding. She might interpret that you are lecturing her.



Although your stepmother would have probably known wedding etiquette for stepmothers, it is still for the best if you talk out to her about some of the basics. But in doing so, avoid sounding authoritative. Say that she is dear to you but wedding etiquette dictates that she should be seated in this chair or that chair or that she and your father should be seated on the next pew at the church.



is with each of them ahead of time perhaps include your father in the stepmother talk to solicit their "good behavior." If you keep saying how important it is to you that they make every effort to put animosity aside on this one special day, it's hard to imagine that they would cause any problems.



Some etiquette guidelines do exist to help you: In most cases, when the bride's parents are divorced, the parent with whom she lived after the divorce (or the one she's closer to) sits in the first pew during the ceremony. This is often, but not always, the mother, who is joined by her husband, if she is remarried, and her immediate family. Either directly behind the mother's contingent (which might fill the first two or three pews) or a few rows away, come the bride's father, stepmother, and his immediate family.



There are practical divorced-parent guidelines for the reception, too. Use assigned seating, with the tables for your mother and stepmother a safe distance apart. I'm sure that on the big day, your sensitivity will be appreciated by all.

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Wedding Etiquette: Invitations

Some couples think that wedding invitations are not that important. They think that a wedding invitation it is just a piece of paper that they give out to their wedding guest which will be forgotten afterwards.



This is wrong. In fact there is a wedding etiquette even on invitations. This is because wedding invitations give your guests a preview on how your wedding will be celebrated. They will know through wedding invitations what they would wear so they would not commit a violation in wedding etiquette for clothing and dress, and they would know how formal or informal the event may be so they wold know what to expect in the wedding reception.



Also, well made wedding invitations will give a lasting impression on your wedding. Your guests will remember you even through your just your wedding invitation.



Here are some information on wedding etiquette on invitations:



-- Wedding Etiquette On Invitations Fact 1:



What should be the wordings on your invitation?



You can go as formal as you like or as informal as you like. Formal wordings are those that we often see on wedding invitations such as:



(centered)

Mr. and Mrs. John Bates

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Rachel Anne Bates

to

Mr. Matthew James Phoenix

son of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Phoenix

...



You can replace the wordings of the above example and apply your own wordings most especially if it is the couples who will do the inviting. Wedding etiquette on invitations don't prohibit to go as poetic as they want themselves to be or go funny to please their guests as they read the invitation.



-- Wedding Etiquette On Invitations Fact 2:



Who should be inviting? Wedding etiquette on invitation is not very rigid. Before, if the father of the bride hosts the wedding, he should be the only person who would do the inviting. But today, couples honor their parents and let them do the inviting and if the couples themselves will fund their own wedding.



Wedding etiquette can now be bent on this matter.



-- Wedding Etiquette On Invitations Fact 2:



When to send invitations?



Wedding etiquette on sending out of invitations must be done four to six weeks before the wedding day. But for couples who prepare their wedding one or two years ahead. Then can send out a save a date invititation since many things will be changed along the way. This is also true for couples who want a wedding with wedding destination theme. Wedding etiquette makes it clear that invitations must be sent out earlier than four to six weeks, in fact even six months ahead, so that the guests can make their own hotel reservations ahead of time



But remember, the save a date card is not yet the proper invitation. It is a violation of wedding etiquette to replace a proper wedding invitation with a save a date card. Save a date card just serve as an initial announment about your upcoming wedding. You should give your guests the courtesy to inform them of the exact venue of wedding celebration and reception, the attire and the date and time.



-- Wedding Etiquette On Invitations Fact 3:



Remove the tissues that come with engraved invitations. These tissues ar meant to protect the paper from getting ink smudges before the invitation are delivered at your doorstep. It is a wedding etiquette no-no to include them in your invitation. It will ruin the look of your wedding invitation.



-- Wedding Etiquette On Invitations Fact 3:



On the issue of registry cards, wedding etiquette on invitation is very clear that registry cards should not be included in the invitation. You may indicate that you have an online registry if you have any and you can ask your guests to visit your online registry. But its a wedding etiquette on invitation blunder if you insert your wedding registry cards. Remember that gifts should always come as a surprise, pleasant or not?



-- Wedding Etiquette On Invitations Fact 4:



Forget RSVP cards. Your guests are adults and should know how to respond to an invitation. There is also wedding etiquette for guests in anwering invitations. They should respond to a formal or informal wedding invite as soon as they get them and response should not be later than two weeks before the wedding.

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Wedding Etiquette: The Name Order on Invitations

Planning a wedding is one of the most stressful but fulfilling event in a person's life. While you are considering which venue your wedding reception should be held, you should also consider wedding etiquette along the preparations to avoid seeing raised eyebrows and hearing snide remarks from your wedding guests.



Since a wedding won't start without invited guests, you should learn the wedding etiquette on invitations' name order. Yeah, you might say, do I still need to bother with wedding etiquette on invitations' name order when I need to accomplish more pressing matters such as how should my wedding party be celebrated?



I hate to say this, but you should give your wedding invitation a great deal of time. It is the very first thing that guests would see before the wedding itself and it may be the cause of not so nice confrontation with relatives who believe in traditional way of celebrating wedding ,which includes old fashioned wedding etiquette and even invitations' name order.



Don't be a hard head on this matter. Even if you claim you are the bride of the new millenia, pay for your own wedding, and know how to arrange your own wedding without the help of your old fashioned relatives, you still need to consider the feelings of an old grandmother, or an ailing aunt who wants to have some billing on your wedding invitation.



All you have to do is to learn the basis wedding etiquette and invitations' name order. This way, you will be headache free from demanding but loveable relatives.



What you should know about wedding invitation and announcement etiquette? You should learn the following:



* Wedding Etiquette on Wedding Invitations' Name Order

* Wedding Etiquette on Wedding Invitations' Wording and Addressing

* Assembling My Own Wedding Invitations

* Wedding Etiquette on the When and the How of Sending Out My Wedding

Invitations

* Wedding Etiquette on the How of Mailing Wedding Invitations



You could learn all this by reading Emily Post's book on Wedding Etiquette. It is available in Barnes and Nobles and Amazon stores. It is the best primer for everything that has got to do with wedding etiquette.



We have some few suggestions below about wedding etiquette on wedding invitations' name order if you are now preparing for your wedding invitations.



* Wedding Etiquette on Wedding Invitations' Name Order



Wedding etiquette on wedding invitations' name order dictates that whoever is the host of the wedding -- he, she or they -- should be on the top of the billing and is or are the person requesting for the presence of the guests.



*** Here's a wedding etiquette on wedding invitations' name order the traditional style when it is the bride’s parents who are hosting:



(centered)

Attorney and Mrs. John Bates

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Rachel Anne Bates

to

Mr. Matthew James Phoenix



....



*** What's the wedding etiquette on wedding invitations' name order when the bride’s parents are hosting and the bride wants to include the groom’s parents in the billing?



(centered)



Mr. and Mrs. John Bates

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Rachel Anne Bates

to

Mr. Matthew James Phoenix

son of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Phoenix

...



*** If both the parents will pay for the wedding, here's the wedding etiquette on the invitations' name order:



(centered)



Mr. and Mrs. John Bates

and

Mr. and Mrs. Robert Phoenix

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of

Rachel Anne Bates

to

Mr. Matthew James Phoenix



...



*** If the bride or groom wish to honor and add on the invitation the name of a deceased parent, below is the wedding etiquette on invitations' name order:



Mrs. John Bates

requests the honour of your presence

at the marriage of her daughter

Rachel Anne Bates

also daughter of the late Mr. John Bates

to

Mr. Matthew James Phoenix

son of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Phoenix

(son of Mr. Robert Phoenix and the late Mrs. Sarah Phoenix)



...



Or, in the alternative,



Rachel Anne Bates

daughter of Mr. and Mrs. John Bates

(or daughter of Mrs. Julia Bates and the late Mr. John Bates)

and

Mr. Matthew James Phoenix

son of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Phoenix

(son of Mr. Robert Phoenix and the late Mrs. Sarah Phoenix)

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Wedding Etiquette: For the Father of the Groom's Girlfriend

During the 1800 to 1900, the wedding etiquette is that the father of the groom's girlfriend should pay for the wedding expenses. Everything that has to be paid should be paid by the father of the groom's girlfriend.



This was the wedding etiquette before because it is the father of the groom's girlfriend who will decide on everything that her daughter should do, including approval of the man she would marry, the date of the marriage, and how her marriage should be celebrated.



You may now ask, why was it that girls agree to this wedding etiquette and allow their father to decide for themselves? Is this wedding etiquette still applicable up to this time?



This wedding etiquette was not being questioned during those times. Any decision by the father of the groom's bride is always respected. Even the bride themselves did not think that they were being oppressed. They thought and believe that they were being taken care of fully.



During those times, the father of the grooms bride feed his daughter, took care of her and brought her to lady manners school to learn and practice the right way of socializing, dressing, and speaking. Every teenage daughters in a middle to upper class families were required to attend finishing schools. This was done to teach the bride the proper wedding etiquette and to ready her for the life of a married lady.



So, when the father had decided that her daughter was ready to get married, he will announce his daughter's debut and would held a party for her to announce her coming of age. All suitors would be, of course, under the father's scrutinizing eye. He will only accept suitors that he thinks could feed and take care of her daughter.



If the father has chosen the suitor of his choice and his daughter agrees, the engagement will be announced.



Because of wedding etiquette, the father of the groom's bride won't ask a single penny from the father or parents of the groom. The father of the groom's bride should have saved enough money to celebrate the wedding of his daughter in the way her daughter wants it and the way he, the father, wants it to be held.



So, if he wants an extravagant and festive wedding celebration complete with ball, he should save have saved money the moment he learnt that her child is a she.



Today, however, things have changed. Because of high cost of living and that the brides are not too dependent on their father or parents and are earning their own money as well, the wedding etiquette has bent slightly. Although the modern wedding etiquette does not stop the father of the groom's girlfriend to pay for the wedding, he is not compelled to refuse the help of the groom's parents or their desire to co-host the wedding.



Getting married these days is very costly and it requires a great fortune on the part of the father of the groom's girlfriend. Everyone can contribute to the wedding, financially and of services.



The modern wedding etiquetted does not oblige or compel the father of the groom's girlfriend to shoulder the entire wedding expenses, most especially if he now has a new family and young children that he needs to feed. The traditional wedding etiquette, the father of the groom's girlfriend paying for the wedding cost, may still be done these days only by fathers with great fortune. Daughters should be understanding enough of these situations.



In fact even the groom and her girlfriend can finance their own wedding without the help of their parents. With couples these days preparing their wedding ahead, a year or two, they can have an ample time to save cash for their wedding.



But if the father of the groom's girlfriends has decided to co-host the wedding, the bride and the groom should be sensitive of their feelings and should accept the offered help. Parents want to be part of the most special day of their child and we should not deny them in satisfying themselves by helping out cover some wedding costs.

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Wedding Etiquette: Cash Bar Wedding Parties

Open bar wedding party has been gaining popularity these days because more and more couples have been celebrating an evening wedding. With open bar, guests are free to order any brand of drink to their liking without limit as to how many shots or glasses they should order.



However, some couples with limited budget see cash bar as the best option for them. As opposed to open bar, guests must pay for every drink that they order in a cash bar wedding party. The newly weds won't be held liable for a guest's non-payment of a drink ordered. Guests should leave a bill for a drink the way a customer does when he ordered a drink in a local bar.



If you, a groom or bride-to-be, are concerned with wedding etiquette, wedding etiquette specialists will tell you not to go for a cash bar. If you would be graded for a wedding etiquette examination, saying yes to a cash bar has a grade of zero.



For specialists on wedding etiquette, cash bar is not an option even for couples who are tight on a budget. Since cash bar violates wedding etiquette, wedding etiquette specialists say that you should expect snide remarks from your guests if you pursue a cash bar wedding party. You might even hear them saying things like, the newly wed do not know wedding etiquette, or if they couldn't afford an open bar, they shouldn't have hosted a cocktail party at all and they should have stayed with a sit down dinner.



Guests who would make such a remark obviously are unaware of wedding etiquette too. But just the same, we cannot silence them for making such remarks.



Some wedding etiquette books even say that if you are thinking of a cash bar night party, make a pass for a night party; it's better not to have a night party at all if it would be a cash bar.



- Solution to Cash Bar



There is a solution though to cash bar. According to books on wedding etiquette, you can implement the semi-open bar. With this strategy, you won't worry about violating wedding etiquette through cash bar and you won't need a big budget to throw an open bar wedding party.



Wedding etiquette specialists would recommend you to open bar the first two drinks to your wedding guests and cash bar the ordered drinks thereafter.



Two drinks are considered socially acceptable standards for social drinking. In implementing the semi open, semi cash bar wedding party, you have satisfied the needs of guests expecting you to practice wedding etiquette while at the same time you have satisfied yourself for not spending too much.



Many couples who are not limited on a budget implement the two-drink open bar and cash bar afterwards cocktail or evening wedding party. This is to avoid excessive drinking from wedding guests, and for wedding guests to maintain social composure.

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Wedding Etiquette: Destinations

Wedding Etiquette: Destinations



You might have heard of a couple wearing an alien suit for a wedding dress or a couple who get wed in a pink cadillac in Las Vegas wedding strip. Although it sound like fun, many still don't get the wishes of couples to celebrate their wedding this way.



If you want to have an exciting wedding, you can get wed in an extraordinary way without looking like a psycho for getting married in an alien suit. Destination Wedding is gaining popularity these days because it satisfies the wants of adventurous couples without being a clown.



Destination Wedding is for couples who want to get wed on the sandy beach of Fiji Islands or at the romantic canals of Italy or at the Eiffel Tower.



Wedding guests for Destination Wedding usually are the closest families and friends of the bride and groom. Of course, only those who love you the most will take the time, energy and money just to get to attend your wedding day.



But do you know that there is a list of Destination Wedding etiquette to follow? Destination Wedding Etiquette is just an enhancement of wedding etiquette that we have come to know.



-- Basic Destination Wedding Etiquette



* The very first Destination Wedding Etiquette that you should know is that you should tell your guest in advance, at least six months, of the when and the where of your Destination Wedding.



This Destination Wedding Etiquette is important because it will give your guests an ample time to decide whether or not they should attend your wedding. Your guests also needs to check-in in a hotel and fly just to get to your Destination Wedding.



You may ask, should you pay for the travel expenses and hotel accommodation of your guests? Destination Wedding Etiquette tells that you should not. You are not responsible for their tickets and hotel fees. You would go broke if you do. Your guests know this fact and they should not ask you about it in the first place.



If any of them ask you the awkward question of, "Would you I pay for the tickets and hotel fees?" You could answer this way so as not to hurt his or her feelings: "Oh, I would love to treat you for a vacation but our budget is so limited that I could only accommodate your dinner after my wedding." You have better lines than this. Use it using your friendly voice.



* The second most important Destination Wedding Etiquette is to provide your guests with information about the place. You should also scout for the cheapest hotels in the area where they could stay.



You can create a Destination Wedding Information, a brochure type info kit, that contains the basic information about the town of your wedding venue and the scenic places that your guests can go before and after the wedding. Remember that Destination Wedding is like a honeymoon wedding? Think of the best honeymoon places and vacation spots in the area so that couples and singles alike will enjoy the place.



Also, create a map of the area so that your guests would know how to navigate the area.



Other Destination Wedding Etiquette



- Destination Wedding Etiquette allows bride to wear any wedding dress that they would like to wear. Of course, if you are a fashionable bride, you would like to wear a simple yet elegant wedding dress even without looking at Destination Wedding Etiquette books. For chic and fashionable brides the fabric and design of the bride's wedding dress must conform to the location.



For example, if you are getting married at the sandy beaches of the Fiji Islands, you should wear chiffon and even semi-translucent wedding gown in white or other colors like aquamarine. This kind of wedding dress will look very sexy on the beach.



- Bring insect repellant lotions, sunblock and face hydro spritzer like Evian to make your guest feel comfortable in your wedding reception and ceremony which would be held in an unroofed venue.



This is not necessarily one of the rules of Destination Wedding Etiquette. This is just your way of saying thanks to your beloved family and friends who took the time and have spent fortune just to witness you getting tied with your one true love.
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